I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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