No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
