When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
