i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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