I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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