Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
