Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
