Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And then my night got REAL pukey
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
