we have pet lesbian snakes
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
