I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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