Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
