Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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