i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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