Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
