That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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