So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How does one acquire holy water?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
