I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
