Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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