i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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