the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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