i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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