Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
