and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
