Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
