Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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