I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
