i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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