been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
