i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
