All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
