we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
