Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
