just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
