Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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