it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
