She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
