Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
