please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
