I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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