I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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