I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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