The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
