Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
