I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
