I can text with my tongue
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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