she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
