I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
