My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
