Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
