well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
