tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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